When Bella was about 1 ½she started with throwing herself on the ground and having tantrums
I wrote about it before and shared my experience, its was not fun
Especially since I kept hearing the terrible 2’s are not the problem,it’s the 3s!
Doing the math in my head I calculated 2 ½ more years of tantrums
Then Vanessa told she was pregnant with our second…blank stare at first but then was elated
At a regular check up our doctor gave us strategies to deal with the tantrums
My initial response was to yell “get up” and get angry, this never worked
One of the strategies she told us was distraction
When Bella would go into the tantrum I would quickly pick her up and bring her to the window
She was always mesmerized by looking out the window and would stop the tantrum immediately
Throwing herself on the ground when she was not happy was a pattern she was adopting
I was interrupting her pattern through distraction
We all have unhealthy patterns that we have developed to deal with stress, negative emotions and fear
Some of us eat
Some of us drink
Some of us run away
Some of us get angry
Some of us get in a funk
Some of us are just unhappy
You need a strategy
A strategy that will interrupt this pattern
Here is what I want you to do
Think about something that makes you totally happy
For me,its my girls sprinting toward me yelling DADDY! DADDY! when I get home
There is no better feeling to me
Once you have the feeling, picture it in your mind, get detailed with it
Once you have it, start tapping your thumb and ring finger repeatedly
Keep picturing your happy moment and tapping for several minutes
You may need to reinforce this a few times
Now when you go into your pattern of stress, fear and negative emotions
This interrupts the pattern and gets you somewhere you want to be
Give it a shot
I am wrapping up Day 1 of our family vacation at the Jersey Shore.
Vanessa and I just put the kids to bed and are about to chill out and watch a movie.
We take one week of vacation a year at this point in our lives.
The hardest part for me is shutting it all down.
(I guess since I am writing this on day 1 of vacation I have not technically shut it down yet!)
Since I run two businesses, it’s tough to turn the business brain off but my family deserves it.
My brain and body need it too.
I was at a seminar last week and one of the presenters talked about living in the present moment, that the only thing that matters is what in front of us at that time.
Not the past and not the future, the present moment.
I will admit this is hard for me, its something I am working on.
I think its something a lot of us need to work on.
“Live in the moment”
Seth Godin told me the key to success is this:
1. Show up 2. Be focused
This includes down time!
When you’re taking time off this summer, make sure you are actually taking time off and recharging your battery.
You deserve it!
Vanessa asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
I told her nothing; I have everything I could possibly need… and then some!
My mom asked me the same thing, same answer.
Then my birthday came and I wanted something.
I wanted to take Vanessa to the mall and buy her something.
That was what I wanted for my birthday.
I bought her a pair of shoes at the mall and then we went to dinner.
It was one of my favorite birthdays ever.
The saying its better to give than to receive holds true
I’m not sharing this to make me sound like this great person.
I just have learned where fulfillment lies and it's not in birthdays gifts or material things.
The final and most influential of the 6 Human needs is CONTRIBUTION.
This is the need where true fulfillment in life is realized.
As I have been a student of the 6 human needs for a while now these types of decisions make more sense to me.
A few years ago I would never of wanted to buy something for someone else on my birthday.
As I study what brings us happiness and fulfillment in life I realized its your contribution to others and the world that brings true Fulfillment.
It's human nature for you to think of yourself first.
Next time you look at a group picture of you and your family or friends, where do your eyes go first?
For most people its themselves, it's not wrong - it's human.
Because I know contribution is so powerful I have trained myself to not look at myself first.
It's just a small reminder that contribution to others is where ultimate happiness and fulfillment lies.
It's certainly not easy but it's truly worth it.
The Contribution Challenge:
Send one text, email or make a call to someone to make their day better or just thank them for being in your life.
Do it once a day, every day, for a week and see how it goes.
If you do this for a year, you will have made 365 people happier!
Bella was at a birthday party recently.
Bella is a bit timid and gets scared pretty easily.
The party was at a bounce house factory and there was this very high ladder to climb with a steep slide to go down after.
When we first told her to try, she cried and ran away to an easy safe slide.
This was a growth moment.
Vanessa picked her up and brought her over kicking and screaming but she did it.
Then she did it again.
Then she did it on her own.
Then she was having fun with a challenge.
She overcame her fear and stepped into uncertainty.
The first 4 human needs were Certainty, Uncertainty, Significance and Love.
These four needs are the primal needs, we a certain amount of each to survive.
The last two needs are the Growth and Contribution.
These are the needs of Fulfillment.
You can survive without Growth and Contribution but you will not live a fulfilled life.
Growth and Contribution are where the magic happens, its what we all should be striving for.
Considering this entire blog has been based on the Growth Mindset, I think you are all aware of the importance of growth.
Growth comes in many forms.
We can grow in our faith, relationships, knowledge, parenting, coaching ability, education, your profession.
It can come through learning, reading, or teaching.
If we have a high need for Certainty (Comfort) we usually avoid Uncertainty (not knowing)
One thing I learned recently is that true growth comes from stepping into UNCERTAINTY.
Stepping into situations where you not completely sure requires emotional muscle.
This is when we grow.
Growth is not just getting more knowledge.
When we are honest with ourselves and others about how we feel we grow like crazy.
When we step into a challenge where we were afraid… we grow.
When we finally draw the line in the sand and make a decision… we grow.
Growth is life fulfillment!
Over the past few weeks, we've talked about our basic human needs: Significance, certainty, and uncertainty. Today, we're going to cover the last of the primal needs.
Humans all need to feel connected with someone or something.
A great example of this need is when a baby is born. The baby will not survive without love and connection from the mother.
From a chemical perspective, the mother releases a hormone called Oxytocin that satisfies this need for love/connection.
There are several ways to get love and connection - one great way is hugs.
A hug releases oxytocin that creates that feeling of love and connection. I have heard a 20 second hug is optimal!
It's important to understand that love and connection does not have to only come from another human.
It can come from pets, good habit, a sense of identity, or a personal value.
We all need love and connection.
The final 2 needs are coming up: Growth and Contribution - these needs are where we get true fulfillment in life
If we live our lives primarily feeding the first 4 needs, we will survive.
If we have growth and contribution at the top of our need structure, life will be amazing and we will thrive.
Over the next two weeks, we'll talk about how to incorporate these top tier needs into your life, so you can be happier and more fulfilled.
In the Summer of 2002, I picked up and left Philadelphia to move to San Diego.
I was 23 years old and had only been to there once in my life.
I left my friends and family, started at a college I knew nothing about for my final year and sought out a career where I had no formal education.
I had majored in business at Temple because all along I thought would be a stock broker (or something like that)
I dropped everything to become a personal trainer.
That same summer my dad got very sick and had a major heart surgery.
My final days at home were taking him out on his very short walks; it was painful to see him in that state.
I was not sure if I should leave.
Needing to complete one more year of school my parents pushed me to go.
Now my career in personal training had more meaning.
I am not sure I would be doing what I am today if my Dad had not gotten sick.
As a personal trainer I could help people be healthy and possibly avoid the pain my family went through.
Human need #2 is Uncertainty.
We all have a need for change.
Naturally we seek variety in many ways.
Variety can come from a change in where you live, going to a different restaurant, seeing a new movie, changing a job, an unexpected illness, a big decision at work etc.
Many of us do not like Uncertainty.
Uncertainty can be scary because we are stepping into the unknown.
As I said last week, one of my higher needs was certainty (something I am working on).
This basically means I am uncomfortable with Uncertainty (not knowing).
The story above was one of the more uncertain times of my life and fulfilled my need for variety like nothing else could.
This is a quote from Tony Robbins that hit home with me:
“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of UNCERTAINTY you can comfortably live with”
The key word here is comfortable.
When things change on you last minute, does it stress you out like crazy?
Do you hate change?
The one thing we all have to face is that the world is filled with Uncertainty.
Instead of trying to control everything all the time, we need to step into Uncertainty.
We need to get more comfortable with not knowing.
Seek out Uncertainty - it’s what makes us feel alive!
The 6 Human Needs is a structure I learned from Anthony Robbins.
This simple system answers the questions of why we do what we do.
It shows us how a person can grow up in total poverty with drugs and violence all around them and come out and become a successful businessperson that contributes to society
How a person can grow up in total security, have all the wealth, love and support they could want and become a drug addict.
These 6 needs are wired into our nervous system.
Everyone, no matter race, gender, color has these same needs.
We all find ways to meet these needs - the differences is in how we do it.
Will they be met in a positive inspiring way, or a negative destructive way?
The first 4 needs are called Primal Needs:
Certainty: A desire to know that things are stable
Uncertainty: Seeking variety through various ways
Significance: Feeling special and important
Love: Feeling connected with someone or something
The final two needs are the needs of the spirit:
Growth: People are not satisfied unless they are growing in multiple ways: spiritually, educationally, in their relationships, businesses etc
Contribution: The need to contribute to other people
While we need all of them, the key question is how we prioritize these needs.
We all have 2 needs that we value most.
Try to think about the 6 needs this week and select the 2 you value most.
The next several weeks we will be breaking down these needs further.
Have a great week!
I am in pain right now.
Something amazing has happened to me that has caused me pain.
Vanessa and I are having our third child. I am beyond excited, but there's one thing I need to do before the baby comes that is causing me pain.
I need to sell my truck.
I bought that truck 10 years ago with my hard earned money as a personal trainer back in San Diego.
It has never failed me, never.
Since it does not have 4 wheel drive or a legitimate back seat I am being strong armed to sell and get a more suitable truck for a family with 3 kids.
I am focused on trucks right now.
I am deciding between a Ford 5-150 and a Toyota Tundra. Now when I drive, my eyes are looking at every single truck on the road.
I am sure many of you have gone through the same thing around the time you purchase a car.
You focus on it all the time. You focus on the model, the price, the color, the interior, the dealer.
It can get almost emotional.
The third part in mastering your emotions is this:
What you focus on is what you will feel.
If you focus on your back hurting all the time, your back will hurt.
If you focus on how much your life stinks right now, that’s how you will feel about everything.
If you focus on the faults of your spouse, that’s how you’ll feel about them.
Most of the time, when we are down we are focusing on something about ourselves or something that affects us.
This can hinder your success in life and prevent us from ever really being happy.
Here is the action step:
When you find yourself focusing on yourself and its making you feel down...
Close your eyes and take 4 deep breaths.
While taking those breaths, think of another person that needs you in their life. Someone that needs your strength, help, guidance, advice, comfort.
Just shift your focus to them. Maybe think of something you can do for that person.
Shift your focus. Make it happen.
You can do it!
Last week we focused on our language and how it effects our emotions.
Remember the 3 things that drive how we feel:
Today’s focus is Physiology.
When I talk about physiology, I am referring to our physical bodies.
Our Breath. Our Posture. Our Movement.
Our physical bodies are the foundation of all effective change.
Think of this:
Let’s say you are constantly stressed out and you think of negative things all the time.
Now, go to the gym (Preferably GFP 🙂 ) and get an incredible workout.
When you’re sweating like crazy after working really hard, how do you feel?
I’ll bet that during and after your workout you didn’t feel stressed at all.
You temporarily changed your state of mind by effecting your physical body.
Here is another example that is even easier (This is a great one for students):
Sit very slumped in your chair.
Round your shoulders .
Take short breaths from your chest.
Make a face of a stressed out person.
NOW TRY THIS!
SIT UP TALL
FEET FLAT ON THE FLOOR
SHOULDERS BACK, CHEST OUT
TAKE A DEEP BREATH INTO YOUR BELLY
BLOW IT OUT HARD
Your posture will drive how you feel.
The better your posture, the happier you will be.
Being physically fit, having good posture and understanding how to breathe properly will help you control your emotions.
It will make you happier.
The quality of our lives is controlled by our emotions
There are 3 forces that control your emotions
Physiology: Physical body, breath, posture, movement
Focus: Whatever you focus on you feel
Language: The words you use
Today’s focus will be Language
Too often I hear patterns of negative debilitating language(Myself included)
If we change our language we can change our emotions
“I cant do this”
“I will never be able to do that”
“I just don’t have the time”
“This wont work”
“This is hard”
All these statements drive home negative emotions like sadness, anxiety and frustration.
The words we use will change our emotions
When we say things
“I can do this”
“I will make the time”
“This will work”
“What a great opportunity this challenge is”
It changes everything
Your perception of the exact same event can change from a negative to a positive with minor tweaks of the words you use
The more you do this the happier you’ll be
Change your language, change your emotions
Dear GFP Family,
One of my biggest challenges is deciding who to bring on as part of the GFP team.
I truly value each of you as our clients and members of our family, so we only want the best quality people in charge of your most precious resource - your health.
As you all know, the biggest differentiator between GFP and other gyms is the quality of people that we have on our team.
Not a day goes by where I do not get a compliment of how great our team is.
I am proud to say we are growing as a company and needed to bring on a new team member.
Being leaders in the fitness industry, we had hundreds of aspiring trainers lining up to work at GFP.
Our interview process in very very extensive.
Email evaluations, phone interviews, interviews with me based on our core values, interviews with the GFP Team, spending a day a at GFP just observing, going to lunch with the GFP team. It’s an exhausting process for us and for the new potential team member.
After the dust settled, the entire GFP Team made a unanimous decision to bring on BrianMarcinczyk as our newest team member.
During the entire process Brian displayed the ALL the Core Values we look for to be part of the GFP Team.
The most important aspect of being part of this team is a person that has strong character. One that is willing to do whatever it takes to make a difference in the lives of other people, to continue to improve everyday and to display an ultimate level of professionalism.
Brian Marcinczyk has these qualities.
For the past week Brian has been working very hard with Coach Joe and the rest of the GFP Team to learn everything he needs to know to be a successful coach.
His enthusiasm has been extraordinary and he has picked things up very fast
Brian comes to us as a lifelong resident of South River in Middlesex County.
While at South River High School, Brian was a three sport athlete in football, basketball, and baseball, and was captain of the basketball and baseball teams during his senior year.
After high school, Brian attended Middlesex County College where he was a member of the baseball team and received his Associate's Degree in Physical Education.
Following this, Brian transferred to Coastal Carolina University in Conway, SC.
While at Coastal, he was a member of the club baseball team and received his Bachelor's Degree in Recreation and Sport Management.
During his senior baseball season, Brian suffered an unfortunate ACL injury that cut his final year short.
Due to Brian's work ethic and his own Growth Mindset, he fully recovered from this injury and surgery in seven and a half months.
Along with his educational and athletic background, Brian has also coached many youth athletes ranging from Pop Warner football, recreation league basketball, and Varsity High School baseball.
Brian recently passed the prestigious National Academy of Sports Medicine Personal training Certification.
He is slated to take the very difficult GFP in house exam in the next few weeks.
Please respond to this email and welcome YOUR newest GFP trainer Brian Marcinczyk.
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